Not an Everyday Thang
Hey All,
I see few people care to contribute to the blog so I will.
Part of my disease is the difficulty I have of revealing myself. I often feel I have to present myself in a way that is so unlike what I feel like. Hell, I actually get paid to act this way. Case in point: Sunday was a tough day for me. I had 2 shows and the first one started off rough. The opening number and it was like I was looking at the music for the first time. Maybe nobody noticed (they didn’t act like they did), but I was off balance. Just the night before we had kicked real good. It is an hour and forty-eight minutes of sitting in front of a room full of people who are expecting to be entertained. If I make a mistake, no matter what, I must smile and stay in the show. I have to be present. Thus the adage, “Never let them see you sweat.” That is my job. Not only to play well, but always to be happy, relaxed and involved. I guess I’m good at it. I’ve certainly done it long enough. Needless to say the second show was like the first, rough. I never felt comfortable. What is the worse thing about that feeling is, not making mistakes, because that happens to everyone, but getting caught up in it. I have excuses why. I was tired, whatever. The thing that finally hit me this morning, a day later was my spiritual condition. My hectic week and early mornings messed up my meditation time. This is the important stuff in my life today. This is the stuff I gotta do if I want a chance to be calm in the midst of the storm. Performance is not pressure if I am prepared. Life is not hard when I’ve prepared. Life is also not so hard when I surrender and accept.
I shall practice alot on my days off before the show week begins on Thursday. I shall do all the things I need to do to prepare and feel the most comfortable. Most of all I shall take care of myself, starting with daily meditation and prayer. Get some meetings. Eat well and take some nice long walks. I shall also continue my prayer to live in the moment and surrender to that which is placed before me. I am humbled by my connection to you all.
Love,
RonO